Princess Bride

 

There are many P posts I have thought of. One of them being personality, one of them being persistence, one of them being pain in the ass. But, I thought I would instead go the safe route, forget about my troubles for a while and post about something that has been near and dear to my heart for a very long time.

The Princess Bride. I saw this movie in the theater when it first came out. I owned a VHS copy for years. Recently I bought the 20th anniversary DVD. At the end of the school year, if we finish with time, or perhaps in a study hall, I show the film. Kids of late, boys especially, say, "Oh, God, do you mean The Princess Diaries?" I always reply with something along the like of Peter Falk's line about pirates and giants, sword fighting and revenge. This usually perks them up.

I am known for quoting this film as it applies to life. One of my favorites being an adaptation of Westley saying to Buttercup, when he is in that oh so tricky disguise of a mask: "Life is pain, your highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something." I use this a lot with the replacement of unfair for pain, whenever students whine about something being unfair.

In, I think, tenth grade or maybe ninth, I was ejected from Sunday School one day for giddily reciting lines from this film with my best friend. It was making us giggle like crazy. For some reason, I think it was just the name "Princess Buttercup" as said by the Impressive Clergyman Peter Cook. Or perhaps it was Carol Kane saying Humperdinck over and over. Either way, it was worth the reprimand.

I of course loved Cary Elwes as Westley and Robin Wright as Buttercup, but Inigo and Fezzick (Mandy Pitinkin and Andre the Giant), Count Rugen and Prince Humperdinck (Christopher Guest and Chris Sarandon) and of course Miracle Max (Billy Crystal) were just so much fun. I didn't know then, but would later discover that Christopher Guest is of course from then Spinal Tap and now such lovable comedies as Best in Show and Waiting for Guffman.

I even read the book, which had a whole ruse about its creation and the lost pages or something like that. Anyway, here are some favorite quotes.

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

We are men of action, lies do not become us.

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

I'm not a witch, I'm your wife.

Prince Humperdinck:Surrender.
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.

The Ancient Booer: Boo. Boo. Boo.
Buttercup: Why do you do this?
The Ancient Booer: Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up.
Buttercup: But they would have killed Westley if I hadn't done it.
The Ancient Booer: Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.

(There are just too many good ones.)

Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End.