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The first part of this is really strong, but the second have is jumbled to me. I would take out the as was my nature then and change up the words. Maybe say something likeMu mother told me never to start a new endeavor on the full moon, but as usual I didn't bother to pay attention.
Agreeing with the first comment; starts out strong but the second half doesn't maintain momentum. My suggestion:"Mother always told me never to start a new endeavor on a full moon and, as usual, I paid her advice no attention."
I have to agree with Jen and Kelly. I love the first part."Mother always told me never to start a new endeavor on a full moon, but my nature never heeded her warnings.I hope this helps... good luck.Michael
You've got good suggestions, bit I actually like yours as it is too.
I'm curious about the character's mother and whether she's all-round quirky :)
I love this first line!
I liked this line quite a bit. I can see what the other commenters are saying,b ut if this is your characters voice I wouldn't suggest changing it around.If you do leave it as is, I think you could lose the word 'then':"...but as was my nature I didn't bother to pay attention."
I agree with Loralie, but I would also cut "bother to."My mother told me never to start a new endeavor on the full moon, but as was my nature, I didn't pay attention
I like it just as it is. But would insert a comma after 'then'.
Very interesting opener. I like it, but also agree with the others that you could spice up the second half a bit.
If you want to leave it, that's totally fine, but I'd put a comma after then. =D Just read above, so I'm agreeing with Anne. LOL. Then the sentence flows very nicely.
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