tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222933105044446151.post3599920399920145573..comments2023-05-21T11:57:35.742-04:00Comments on Writing Blog: QueryAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104430835416581184noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222933105044446151.post-76964748111596037942012-04-19T22:00:19.781-04:002012-04-19T22:00:19.781-04:00I agree with Jessica and Tamara. A little more of ...I agree with Jessica and Tamara. A little more of your personality might be good in the first paragraph and how Jessica tighten things up would make a power combo.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />From Diary of a Writer in ProgressGeorgina Moraleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03164961271767174713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222933105044446151.post-73532329434789502392012-04-19T14:02:21.922-04:002012-04-19T14:02:21.922-04:00I would make the first paragraph more personable. ...I would make the first paragraph more personable. Right now, I get no sense of "you" in it - this could be from anyone. Your personality really catches publisher's eyes. <br /><br />Otherwise, I agree with Tamara's comments.<br /><br />Jessica<br />A to Z Blogger & SF/Fantasy Writer @ <a href="http://jessicamarcarelli.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Visions of Other Worlds</a>Jessica Marcarellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07975046888449182461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222933105044446151.post-7303387910093199982012-04-19T13:14:45.047-04:002012-04-19T13:14:45.047-04:00Howdy,
From reading your earlier posts, it looks ...Howdy,<br /><br />From reading your earlier posts, it looks like you are getting requests from good agents, so you may not need to tweak, but I can understand the desire for a fresh new query. I practically wrote a new one every ten agents or so. My inclination would be to tighten up what you have for a faster, easier read. Some of the longer sentences make me go back and read again which isn’t something you want an agent to do. Here are the parts that I felt were the strongest:<br /><br />My novel DISTILLATION is a supernatural women’s fiction with New England flavor that would appeal to readers who enjoy Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic and Katherine Howe’s The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane. (Have you read Erin Hart’s Haunted Ground? It might be another good comp.)<br /><br />Alice Towne wants to bear her husband a child, but the dead keep getting in the way. She smells their memories. When her husband’s disbelief and disdain borders on abuse, Alice leaves for the hills of western Massachusetts in hopes of exorcising her demons. <br /><br />Beautiful Ashfield is filled with history and an air of enchantment where everyone has a secret to share or one to hide. Alice accepts a caretaking position at a house rumored to be haunted. The witchy women who own the hardware store claim their spells keep the house’s past at bay. Yet, the odor of peppermint lingers in every corner and a spirit lurks beside the garden waiting to be heard. <br /><br />When Alice unearths the preserved bones of an infant buried in the cellar and discovers an ancient symbol tieing her own family to the house’s history, she must learn the truth of what happened on Watts’ Hill. From an alchemist damned to a distillery that launched a pharmaceutical giant, Alice must sift through history and legend to uncover a betrayal and a love that echo across time.Tamara Narayanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03725262301091012950noreply@blogger.com